Everything I need to know about parenting, I learned from Max and Ruby.

Version 1.0 loves Max and Ruby. Really, like loves it. We watched maybe 8 episodes in a row today before I finally had enough (to justify myself, I’m on my death bed with a man-cold and therefore had a great excuse for being a sloppy parent). Personally, I can’t stand Ruby. Her voice is like sandpaper on my sensitive brain, and she’s the biggest bossy boots ever.

Maybe parents shouldn’t watch their kids’ shows. We know too much. However, I can’t resist pointing out a few anomalies about the show that really don’t add up. And then, as I think about these oddities, I realize I could maybe turn this around to my own personal gain. Watch.

Absentee parents aren’t a problem. Did you ever notice that neither parent seems to live in the same house as these two child bunnies? They are *never* around. But, look how well-adjusted and responsible Ruby has turned out to be. Max may be a bit young to verbally communicate the depth of his character but there are plenty of instances where we see his integrity and ability to logic shining through. Like when he wanted to give Ruby a birthday surprise and tricked her into thinking he was just a dumb toddler bunny, but really he was leading her to a surprise party he had orchestrated with Grandma Bunny? Clearly, even without any parents or guardians around, both bunnies have turned out to be stellar role models with excellent manners. Sweet! That means Hubby and I can go out and party most weeknights and don’t have to worry about coming home the next day! This is life changing.

All grandparents are closet cowboys (or girls). In the episode about Grandma Bunny’s birthday, we learn that Grandma Bunny used to be a crazy lasso-throwing, chaps-wearing rodeo queen. Once again, Max was the one with the intuition but that’s beside the point. This means that I can remain boring and career-focused and my parents and in-laws can be the inspiration for the crazy, giggly sleepover talk.

All that I need to keep a little boy happy is a loud toy. Max is obsessed with every product in the Ear-Splitter® (the actual brand name in the show) line of toys. So far, I have seen him spend hours being enthralled with the Green Alien Angry Gorilla, the Traffic Watcher Helicopter, the One-Eyed Chopping Parrot and a few others that I have now forgotten. They are all obnoxious. However, I now know that if Version 2.0 is a boy, all I need to do is stock up on some grating toys and we’re good for hours of play.

It’s cute when little girls make themselves look cheap. Ruby and her little friend Louise are often engaged in imaginative play involving scads of makeup (not sure where they get it from as Mommy doesn’t seem to exist… probably swiped it from the local drug store, but that’s another plot line) and they end up looking like little night-walkers. Grandma Bunny thinks it’s hilarious and the girls are rather unapologetic. So the first time Version 1.0 comes downstairs dressed in a tube top and daisy dukes with a veritable brothel’s supply of war paint, I don’t need to be concerned. I just need to smile knowingly and get a little tear in my eye as I reach for the camera to document it for her grandparents. According to the points above, they will totally relate.

Every elder sibling is infinitely tolerant of his/her next of kin. Max gets up to all kinds of crap, usually with the distinct objective of screwing up Ruby’s day. He even has a look that he gets when he’s preparing for it. I mean, he seriously puts her out. But she’s always ready to forgive him, never loses her cool, and ends up indulging him in whatever game he is playing with her. Phew! I was so worried about Version 1.0 being OK with her new baby brother/sister, but I see now I have nothing to be concerned about. If Ruby’s that even-keeled without any parents around, we’re totally set.

I’m so glad we spent the day with the show. My whole philosophy and all the hours I spent worrying are, I realize, a thing of the past. I’m going to stock up on bonbons and put my feet up tomorrow without a care in the world. Thank you, Bunny Scouts.

PS. As I was doing some online research on the subject after writing this entry, I ran across this posting. Turns out I’m not alone on this!